I haven’t written about Shadow Lane and it’s been over a week. I had a great weekend–I had some great scenes. I had my usual angst, too, but I’m not going to dwell on that right now. I’m going to try to write a few mini-blogs about some of my “moments.”
I had a fantastic time playing with G., my cop friend from California, and we did another police scene. Last time was an interrogation scene. This time I suggested a bad cop/abuse of power role play. I had written before about how, during an interrogation scene we did, I freaked out when he pushed me up against the 10th floor window. I mean really frightened that the window was going to give and I was going to fall. He had realized this during the scene and pulled me away, not breaking character.
In the role play I’m a woman who gets pulled over and accused of drunk driving. He “gives me a break” and instead of arresting me he offers to escort me home. But instead of taking me to my home, we wind up at his house, where it’s soon clear he intends to have his way with me–because he can. I start to struggle and try to run out the door, but he grabs me, slaps me and then handcuffs me. The handcuffs are really tight–painful–and I realize he’s doing this to make it all real.
To drive the point home, he says all he has to do is report me for the bag of cocaine he’s found in my car. When I start to protest that I don’t even do drugs, he slaps me again, and then hauls me over to the window and once again SLAMS ME UP AGAINST IT. “Look out there!” he growls. “This is MY town! Who do you think they’re going to believe? You … or me?”
My adrenaline has already kicked in. Although I AM scared, as I look out at the lights of Vegas I think, “Holy shit. He KNOWS how much this freaked me out last time, and he’s doing it again. He doesn’t give a fuck…” and so my fear (which was still real) was mixed with a bizarre admiration for his audacity…
We eventually got around to the spanking/punishment part of the role play. In retrospect I thought I probably should have struggled more, but I think in getting into the role play, trying to imagine the character I was playing, I felt it would have been bizarre to struggle much more. He was obviously not going to let me go and he’d made it pretty clear I needed to cooperate. I knew he wasn’t actually going to force his way on me sexually because it was out of the bounds of our agreement. He did do a strip search… which was not sexy, believe it or not. In my character I felt violated. Then I had to get into an undignified position with my butt up in the air while he strapped me. THAT was hard to take.
In the aftercare portion of our scene, he opened up and revealed that he hadn’t planned on pushing me up against the window again. He had thought that it wasn’t a good idea. But prior to the scene he’d been hanging out with my girlfriend D. from San Diego and a few others. He had mentioned he was going to be playing with me right after I arrived on Thursday night and was looking forward to it. He told the group he was with that he wouldn’t make the mistake of scaring me in that way.
D. had piped up at that point, saying, “Oh, no. I think you SHOULD push her up against the window. She likes being scared…” He was like, “really?” She encouraged him.
So I had HER to thank! (She paid for this later!)